Chasing after Him

I trudged toward my house, bleary eyes having trouble focusing on the granite front steps. I’d just finished two shifts in a row of non-stop patients at Boston Children’s ER. My stomach grumbled, reminding me it’d been about that long since I’d last eaten, too.
The life of a hell-bent woman determined to become a pediatrician with her own practice turned out to be a lot harder than I’d expected. Six months left to go, and my mind, body, and spirit lagged. A yawn cracked my jaw and released a white puff of air as I stepped up onto the stoop. The twilight air smelled like snow, but I didn’t care. I had off the following day, so let it dump while I caught up on some needed rest.
Keys. Where’d I put my damn keys?
I riffled through my bag, cursing as my hands grew colder. Nada. “Damnit.” I patted down my coat pockets and heaved a sign upon finding them near my left hip.
“Hey, Charlene.”
Chipper and up-beat, the Boston accented voice drifted across my ears, waking me up better than a double shot of espresso. My smile came easy as I turned toward my neighbor. Six-pack of beer in hand, he bounded up the stairs of our duplex beside me, stepping into both our exterior lights’ glow. His dark rumpled hair had my fingertips tingling to grab hold, his curved lips making my mouth salivate for a taste. “Hey.” Shit, I sounded all breathless and needy.
“Just getting in?” he asked with his easy-going grin that always fluttered my insides.
I glanced at my rumpled scrubs and crocks. “Yeah.” Not for the first time, I wished he’d caught me in something sexier with my hair down and makeup covering the bags under my eyes. Just once, I’d love for him to see me at my best, both physically and mentally.
“Damn, you work more than anyone I know.”
“And I think I’m losing my mind because of it.” I peered into the black olive eyes that never strayed below my nose, always alight with jollity, always laughing beneath his heavy brow. He couldn’t be much older than my thirty-one years, but lines crinkled at the edges of his eyes, making me think his smile never disappeared. “Perhaps I should have chosen a different profession. This…” I swept my hand down my petite body, knowing my falling down ponytail and soiled clothing beneath the gaping wool coat wouldn’t attract a tick, let alone a hot Italian. “This…” I tried again and ended up heaving a sigh because I had no damn words for how done-in I felt.
“Tired?”
I stifled another yawn with my hand, the cold air filling my lungs and tearing up my vision. “Exhausted. I might not even make it to my bed before collapsing.”
“Well, that’s too bad.” A twinkle warmed his eyes, heating my face and the lonely place between my legs. “I was going to offer you a beer.”
Theo Risso offered me a beer…
Damn it all to hell. Couldn’t very well backpedal no matter how much I wanted—dreamed—of more than friendly neighborliness with Theodore Risso. “Rain check?” I all but begged, expecting my face betrayed my desperation for more than a passing between us on the walkways.
“Sure. You got it.” He unlocked his door while I stood and stared at him, soaking in the vision while I had the chance. Sweatshirt filled out by broad shoulders, a trim waist, and an ass that made jeans look downright delicious. Damn, the man hit all my buttons, regardless of my exhaustion. And the thought of hanging out and drinking a beer or two?
Yes, please.
“You all right?”
I jerked my gaze back up to his face. “Hmm?”
He narrowed his eyes and gave me a coy smirk. “Hit the sack, kid.”
Kid. Yeah.
Trying not to roll my eyes, I forced a smile. “Good night, Theo.”
He lifted his six-pack in toast and disappeared behind his door.
Real tears, not just from the cold, gathered in my eyes and slid down my face in fat droplets. Emotions swelled atop my exhaustion—excitement over the future beer invite, him calling me a kid and meaning it—and I gave in to being human.
Sniffling, I shut and locked myself into my house. Ignoring the wetness on my cheeks, I dropped my bag to the floor and shrugged the coat off my shoulders, my body ready to sink into a heap of muscle and bone. I didn’t bother hitting the lights and hung my coat up on the rack beside the door, glancing at my lonely living room.
Two windows on my right lit the area with the street light’s glare. Everything sat precisely in its place, from the stack of books on the coffee table to the lone coaster on the end table by the old Tiffany lamp my grandmother had given me.
No dog to greet me—she’d passed a few months earlier, leaving me heartbroken.
Pure silence. Purse loneliness, but I’d been so focused on attaining my goals that I’d set aside my own inner needs for love and companionship.
Exhaustion always made that truth ten times worse, too.
The couch called my name, but I traipsed up the dark stairwell to the bedroom, and the promise of comfort my aching body craved. I sprawled atop my comforter as tears continued to fall in a pity party I fully felt I deserved. A shift and flex of my toes rid me of the crocks. They thumped on the carpet, and I closed my eyes, feet still dangling off the edge of the bed.
A heavy sigh shuddered through me, and I let it escape past parted lips.
Perhaps I had made the wrong career choice. Borderline OCD and too focused for my good, I envied my neighbor. Theo with his carefree humming, big waves, and light steps. He didn’t have a worry in the world, or if he did, he didn’t seem to give a shit.
I buried my face in my bed and sniffed. What I wouldn’t give to let go. Be free of my organized, in-control mind. Relax and enjoy life. Breathe free.
Dreams.
Same as the thought of finding my way into Theo’s bed. I hadn’t gotten laid in…two years? Three? Medical school and my residency ruled my life, demanded every waking hour.
Not that Theo would ever give me a second glance in something other than scrubs anyway. In the year since I’d signed papers on the duplex, he never once stepped over the line of friendliness. No hunger ever filled his dark eyes—no intense looks to sear my skin. Even the couple of times I braved dropping a hint about my interest, he didn’t seem to hear me. Or, he ignored me to save us both the embarrassment.
He doubtless had tall, blonde model-types falling at his feet at the gym. While I wasn’t super curvy or tall, I had great hair and vivid blue eyes. I didn’t play up my features or bother with waxing, plucking, and daily maintenance, though, so I would never attract a man like him.
Another heaved sigh, and I rolled over, working to bury myself beneath my blankets rather than rid myself of my clothing.
I wanted Theo, but he didn’t want me. I wanted a pediatric practice of my own, but the process wore my ass out. And I never gave up. Never gave in to weakness.
“Something needs to change,” I muttered, my face in my pillow, and allowed sleep to douse me in quiet peacefulness.

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